The Inside-Out, Back-to-Front Days: The Truth Behind the “I’m Fine”

I want to begin by saying something honestly—I hesitated before sharing this.

Part of me worries about how it might be perceived, because I work supporting others. There’s often an unspoken expectation that if you help people, you must have everything figured out. That you should have all the answers, all the time.

But that simply isn’t true.

In fact, I believe the opposite is often more powerful. When someone is still doing their own work—still learning, still growing, still navigating their own challenges—they are often in a far better position to empathise and offer truly meaningful, practical support. That lived understanding matters. It connects. It grounds things in reality.

Someone who believes they have nothing left to work on may appear confident—but they can also become disconnected from the very people they’re trying to help. Often, this comes from a place of denial or a disconnection from their own body. The truth is, we all have something we can be working on—no one is perfect.

So this is me, showing up as I am.

Still learning.

Still growing.

Still human.

---

The Inside-Out, Back-to-Front Days

I do my best to stay upbeat. I share the good news, the happy moments, the positive things in life. I do this for many reasons—there is already enough pain and anguish in the world, no one needs to hear me complain, and I truly believe that what we put out, we attract back. More than anything, I want to uplift people, not weigh them down.

But today, I want to share something different.

I want to talk about my inside-out, back-to-front days. The days when, no matter how hard I try, nothing quite fits. The days when it feels like I’ve put my clothes on wrong—and no matter how much I adjust, I can’t seem to make them sit right.

Maybe by sharing this, it might help someone else feel less alone. Maybe it might even help me, too.

---

Where It Began

In 2021, I suffered a concussion and whiplash. For various reasons—which I won’t go into here—I was let down in ways that meant my injuries went untreated for many years.

What followed was something I had never heard of before: persistent concussion symptoms also known as post concussion syndrome. Chronic pain in my back. New symptoms that made working full-time impossible. It reached a point where I had to stop completely. I was in pain all the time.

---

The Progress You Don’t See

Looking back, I have come a long way.

I’m currently reading my first novel since the accident—and for the first time, I can retain enough of the characters and plot to actually follow the story. I can go for walks, run errands, and manage daily life in a way that once felt impossible.

If you met me, you probably wouldn’t know anything was wrong. There are no visible scars. No bandages. Nothing obvious to explain what’s happening beneath the surface.

But invisible doesn’t mean nonexistent.

---

The Hard Days

I’m writing this after spending most of the weekend in bed.

My head feels too heavy for my neck. The pain spreads—down through my shoulders, into my arms, and up into my face and scalp. There are moments of pins and needles across my head, and a strange pressure, as though my brain is too big for my skull.

I recently had an MRI. Apparently, everything looks “normal.” At least, that’s what I’m told. We joke in the family that at least now we have found my brain, and it's normal. Something that we have all questioned many times over my life!! If you watch The Big Bang Theory, this is similar to the joke that Sheldon isn't crazy - his mum had him tested!

But this weekend hasn’t felt normal.

I’ve tried to push through—to do something—but between the throbbing pain, blurred vision, disappearing words, and overwhelming fatigue, rest was the only option.

On days like this, everything is too much. Light, sound, conversation—it all becomes overwhelming.

I want to withdraw.

To hide.

To stop fighting.

Because fighting—over and over again—is exhausting.

---

The Emotional Aftermath

Then, as the symptoms begin to ease, something else creeps in: guilt.

Guilt for spending a precious weekend in bed instead of with my husband.

Guilt for not helping around the house.

Guilt for not earning what I feel I should.

Then comes the anger.

Anger at myself for feeling this way.

Anger that I have to stop so often.

Anger that this still has the power to knock me down.

And then the frustration.

Frustration that progress isn’t linear.

Frustration that for every two steps forward, there’s often one step back.

Frustration for all the things I wanted to do—but couldn’t.

---

The Quiet Realisation

And then, slowly, something shifts.

I look back at the week before.

I realise I did more than I had in the previous two weeks combined. I tutored. I had meetings. I planned courses. I supported others. I cleaned, walked, created, and even did exercises I hadn’t managed in years.

Yes, I spent two days in bed.

But I am still moving forward.

Despite everything, I am improving.

---

Why I Keep Fighting

And the truth is—I do keep fighting.

Not because it’s easy, and not because I always feel strong, but because I want more from life. I want to grow. I want to learn. I want to become the best version of myself that I can be.

Even in the hardest moments, that desire is still there.

And something else has come from all of this—something unexpected.

When the pain eases, even slightly, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the small things I used to take for granted. Gratitude for a clearer head, for a walk outside, for a conversation that flows.

This experience has taught me so much about myself.

I’ve discovered a strength I didn’t know I had. I’ve become clearer on what I don’t want in my life. I’ve learned to listen to my body in a way I never did before.

And now, rather than wishing for the old version of me, I find myself curious about who I am becoming.

The new me.The evolving me.The stronger, more understanding, more grounded version of myself.

I’m not finished yet—and that feels hopeful.

---

The Reality Behind the Highlight Reel

I’m also very aware of the world we live in—especially online.

We are surrounded by carefully designed snapshots of life: the perfect family, the perfect body, the perfect meal, the perfect holiday. And while there is nothing wrong with sharing joy, this constant stream of “perfection” isn’t always helpful. In fact, it can be deeply damaging.

We are often only shown the best parts of people’s lives. The struggles, the pain, the messy, complicated moments—they are hidden away.

And when all we see is the highlight reel, it’s easy to start comparing. To chase lives that aren’t real. To idealise people who don’t truly exist in the way they are presented. Even bodies are often filtered, edited, or altered—far from what is natural or attainable.

That comparison can quietly erode how we feel about ourselves.

Which is why, sometimes, being real really matters.

Not polished. Not perfect. Just honest.

Because real life includes the inside-out, back-to-front days too.

---

What I’ve Gained

There are moments when I feel I’ve lost so much.

But more often, I feel I’ve gained something deeper.

This experience has made me more empathetic. More patient. More understanding. I meet people where they are, not where I think they should be. I try to lead with kindness, because I now know—truly—that not all pain is visible.

I’ve learned that hard times don’t last forever. Those small steps matter. That progress deserves to be celebrated, no matter how small.

From the outside, I may look the same.

But inside, I am not the same person I was before.

And in many ways, I am better.

---

A Gentle Reminder

If you take anything from this, I hope it’s this:

You never really know what someone else is going through.

Injury and illness can be invisible. So many different chronic illnesses out there are unseen. So many people are in pain that you would never know.

Concussion is not “just a headache.” Struggles don’t always look the way we expect them to.

Someone might seem completely fine one day—and the next, they’re having an inside-out, back-to-front day.

And both of those things can be true.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. 💛